Are you my friend in real life? Have we not been speaking a lot in the last few weeks? Have I not been responding to your texts? I am sorry. Truly. Please accept my apology.
I’m not exactly sure how this works. This healing process. I don’t understand the timeline. Not yet. I don’t know how it’s laid out for me and my particular epigenetic expression right now.
I don’t know what my Godflower looks like yet, or how long it takes to grow.
But if you read the Monarch post, you know I went through some darkness at the end of this year before I was given a light gift. I look at it now as the final wall of my chrysalis, that darkness. The final outside layer of my cocoon that my core DNA created in response to the conditions of the heard and now.
That layer required some final silence. Some final true darkness. And I used blocking technology to achieve that. Even with some of the people in my life I love and value the most. I did not follow any logic that I could describe to you now. I just withdrew, and, one by one, I began silencing voices.
I guess there’s not much more to say about that. That process. That’s what PARTICLES is about. Trying to describe what happened, and what’s happening on the other side. What I have to say about that chrysalis and that transformation will be said here, and it starts with the Monarch post.
If I have not responded to a text, or a social media message, I want you to know a few things today. First, it may be because I love you so much. Just remember that. Second, I may still be blocking you. Technology is complicated. There’s a shit ton of apps and it’s all fucking a wired labyrinth. It will take me a little while to actually open up all the channels. In myself, and in the technological sense.
Third, with that in mind, know that if you send me a message through the Contact page on this website, or on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok (if you can, technologically speaking, there), I will read it. If you text me or email me, I may not. It may not reach me. Because technology. That doesn’t mean that your messages are gone. You have a copy of them. And someday we will sit down and I will read them. They are records, messages in a bottle, even if they didn’t make it to me in the moment you sent them.
But if you send me a message through the Contact page of this site, or if you can connect with me on one of the major networks and drop a message, know that it will be read, even if I don’t respond right away.
The chrysalis is broken open and I’m allowing the world back in, particle by particle. I’m trying to communicate lovingly, but strategically too. I want to set an example for myself and for others and practice patience and make sure that I’m ready to and you’re ready and this dimension is ready.
But I’ll fucking hear you. Don’t worry about that. If you contact me those ways, now, know that I have read your message. It’s received. My receiver is back on, and working better than it has before. My transmitter is coming online, too. There’s still some crackle. Thanks for your patience.
And, seriously. As serious as a heart explosion. As serious as a quantum change. As serious as a change of heart: I love you. I never stopped loving you.
Is that you Philbert, from high school? (Why is the person popping into my head for the purpose of this joke? I couldn’t tell you, man. It’s the beautiful journey. Philbert was a fucking badass, maybe that’s why, and I have always, for my whole life, loved his name.) Then don’t get weirded out by that love paragraph. You know, take it like brotherly love.
This is not to say that Philbert has reached out to me. As far as I know. Just so we’re clear.
Let’s all start, slowly, grooving, at the big unblocking party. Let’s all of us focus on getting our receivers healed, even if our transmitters are still figuring shit out. You gotta get yourself in a place where you can hear the message, whatever it is.
That may mean going to a place where you can’t hear any messages at all, ironically. That’s totally fine. There are many finer examples than mine. Lots of good precedent here on going into the darkness to find the light. If that’s your path, don’t lose sight of the ultimate goal.
You want to receive the messages that are going to help your healing, and you want to lovingly ignore the messages that don’t, or find different meaning in them, meaning that helps you empathize with that messenger’s predicament of being unhealed.
Let’s heal and dance. And heal. And dance some more. Ok, God. Message received, I think. Tilt. Tilt.