This question is starting to come up because, I imagine, of my looks. I’m a very androgynous person. I’ve always been a boy, and when I’m complimenting myself I might even consider myself a man, but my vibe has always, since I was kid, struck people as androgynous.
I went to a very special school in the 80s when I was teenager. So the combination of the 80s, which was a very androgynous decade, especially for music, and the fact that I was deeply involved in theater and hanging around a lot of actors and musicians and creative people, way, way, before the “creators” of TikTok——people whose thinking and being and personality fluidity and religious fluidity as well as sexual fluidity really influenced my way of thinking about sexuality.
Because of this helpful combination in my youth, I never had to really make a choice. And let me tell you something. I think that’s freedom. Not for everyone. But definitely for me. Not having to choose and just being able to be me, and not worry about categories, especially as they apply to fashion and whom I sleep with, was liberating.
My best friend in high school, the guy who was co-leader of the notorious original incarnation of Stephen Jaymes, in the high school band we named Jordan Baker, wore makeup and a skirt. That was his gig. And he did it really damn well. Long before we ever fought about pronouns. So people knew my heart. They didn’t question me, and I got to be me, and it was never a fight, and I’m so very grateful for that.
In this day, categories are supposed to be liberating, and I understand, deeply, why and how that came to be. At least I think I do. I’ve studied this topic from the point of view of academic psychology, so I understand it in a sorta scientific way, certainly a way that has stood up to scrutiny and other people’s academic questioning.
I don’t reject categories, or categoriecal thinking, but I do think that categories can be very limiting, and focusing on them, instead of just hanging loose, can be detrimental to your overall health and outlook.
Categories are a tool, a tool of language, and you can’t not use this tool. It’s very, very necessary to distinguish one thing from another when you are trying to evolve your consciousness. So, for example, I never rejected “gay” the way I never rejected “church”. But I didn’t join. Because I didn’t know yet.
I knew that one day, if I was going to join, in any way, it had to be on my terms. I wasn’t going to go to church before I really knew God, and I was never, ever going to sleep with another man to get any kind of attention. Either to establish some kind of credibility, or to prove my open-mindedness, or to promote my music. My sexuality, and whom I sleep with——these are deeply personal issues to me. I think everyone should be able to make up their own mind.
So am I bisexual? Maybe! I don’t know yet. But that hasn’t been my story so far. I don’t mind saying that, because I think the way I think about it can help you, no matter what your age, and no matter what your sexuality.
I hope it does. Help you. Or heal you in some way. That was the point of sharing this. I love you. Thanks for listening.